WRITING journals is never a bother, in fact, I have about fifteen million-ish-ballpark-figure-type unpublished entries ready to be tweaked and released at will, but that seems to be where the whole operation falls flat; you see, I have this condition that I’ve suffered from since childbirth called chronic laziness, it’s this laziness that almost always prevents me from finishing off and publishing any piece of writing I ever start, although there’s a clause of procrastination which dictates that whenever I have something else more pressing, urgent or important to deal with I will somehow manage to find the time to come up with something that I feel is appropriate to write about and publish.
This never fails to astonish me.
These entries are written with the intention of being a slip shadow of the real world. That shouldn’t sound derogatory in anyway, they act as an escapism. It’s a very subtle tribute to the childhood fairytale, taking me away from the harsh realities of mechanics and relativity, the heartache of vectors and the oppression of Further Mathematics for the Physical Sciences. Traveling on whim and fantasy I’m free to slip in and out of topics whilst not talking about anything inparticular at all. I can’t help but find this concept completely romantic and utterly beautiful.
I’ve finally made it back to university, where I continue to do what I love, Physics with Particle Physics (what? No, I was never doing Physics with Philosophy, and I didn’t spend a whole year passionate about Astrophysics either. Don’t believe everything you read, kids.) with people who I adore around me, making life sweet and palatable with a slightly creamy aftertaste but in a rich and luxurious way opposed to a greasy and sickly texture. Being at university implies that I’m far and away from home for a substantial amount of time. So, I’m doing what one does when they’re away from home, I’m adapting, becoming ‘socialised’ and adopting a sort of surrogate ‘inbetweeny’ family, a bed of support at university where you can turn to in times of high stress or whilst in a mathematics induced frenzy, this has already proved fruitful on more than one occasion and hopefully will continue to do so, especially in those times where you want nothing more than to just fling yourself in a heap on the floor, limbs flailing and twitching everywhere, where you’ll just lay sprawled and wailing and screaming and crying for about an hour and a half for no particular reason save boredom, wait. What?
I don’t do that.
Being away from home is also ensuring that I learn about heaps of fundamental life skills, like, life minus a can opener means a limited supply of food which results in severe confusion followed by a sharp pain in the wallet and that when you have the world tiniest hand basin you cannot wash more than four pairs of pants and three pairs of socks in it, which works out pretty okay because you only- just about- have that much space on your radiator to dry them, and lastly the fresh discs cageless rimblock lasts about two weeks of flushes before it starts getting all droopy and sad looking.
I think all those acquired facts lend towards the first steps of adulthood, and I feel that if I can figure those things out combined with that pretty daunting set of determinants and matrices in part three of Further Mathematics for the Physical Sciences I can start to sew this into all into one big tapestry of life, with the help and support of the people around me, then as only the fabric of time will tell, I may just have a chance of being that well adjustment and altogether ‘rad’ person I always wanted to be.
So, as Juliette Lewis says at the beginning of that one song, ‘This one goes out to the entire world.’ As I’m perfectly happy for the time being to go with the ebb and the flow and let you shape me into the person I’m becoming without a care or bother. Thank you very much and please keep a watchful eye for the orchids, they don’t tend to like fluctuations in mood or temperature.
They don’t like torrential rain, either.